God-Seeker

"...let the heart of them rejoice that seek the Lord. Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His face evermore." Ps. 105:3b-4

The rest of the Psalm gives the grounds for "why" we should seek Him. Like Ps. 78, we are given a mini-history of Israel. Its purpose is stated at the beginning: "Remember the the marvelous works that He hath done." Know this God: see His activities, that they are good; know His character, that He is holy; and then seek Him out, for it is who He is that drives us to Him. The heart of the God-seeker rejoices because this God is worthy to be sought, the only thing worth seeking. He has proven Himself to be the one and only hope, the one and only God, the highest and the greatest, the beginning and the end, the First Cause and the Ultimate Purpose. Taste and see that the Lord is good, and you will desire Him like wine for the soul.
It must be stated, however, that God is to be sought for Himself and not for the mere sake of seeking. Many people (through time and esp. today) are seekers for seeking's sake, and many others additionally believe that they can somehow properly seek God without any established concepts of Him. They stress subjective experience above objective truth(s).
God is a person, and therefore is to be known in an experiential subjective dynamic. However, God is not a person like we are a person. He is holy, i.e., absolutely perfect and complete, and thus has no changes. Therefore, there are definite and certain things about God, things that without knowledge of we will never truly seek Him: we will fall into every ditch and lurch into every side eddy imaginable. God is a person about which there are definite and certain things, things that He has graciously revealed to us through His word, things that He is to be sought for. The true God-seeker understands this: their subjective experience(s) must necessarily be bound to an objective reality or else it will wander aimlessly in the dark.

-Jon Vowell

The Proper and Necessary Desire

"Teach me Thy way, O Lord; I will walk in Thy truth. Unite my heart to fear Thy name." Ps. 86:11

Herein lies two things that are proper and necessary for us to desire: the truth of God and the fear of God, i.e., the realities that God reveals and the reverence towards God for who He is. It is for these two things the psalmist request, and it is these two things that are sorely lacking today.
"A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself" (Pro. 18:2). We care very little for the truth that only God can reveal. The only truth that we desire is the "truth" that we invent for ourselves so that we can shape our identity and world as we see fit. If a certain truth is inconvenient, it can be dropped. Reality is unnecessary, and even lies can become "truth" if they make us feel better about ourselves and confirm our congenial preferences. In short, we would much rather shape our subjectivity by our subjectivity rather than the objectivity of God.
"An oracle in my heart says, 'The Transgression of the wicked is that there is no fear of God before their eyes'" (Ps. 36:1, Rev. marg.). We reverence God very little, but reverence ourselves very much, especially our preferences for God. Like truth, we would much rather shape God by our own subjectivity rather than accept the objective reality of Himself that he has revealed to us. Thus, today's modern "worship" is little more than idolatry, a ceremony of self-worship.
Herein, therefore, is the proper and necessary desire: to desire, not the God we want, but rather the God who is.

-Jon Vowell

Give me God (or, A Catharsis)

"Truly my soul waiteth upon God; from Him cometh my salvation. [...] Surely men of low degree are vanity, and men of high degree are a lie. To be weighed in the balance, they are altogether lighter than a breath. [...] God hath spoken once; twice have I heard this, that power belongeth to God." Ps. 62: 1, 9, 11

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." II Corinthians 4:18

It's easy to get caught up in temporary things. Besides the fact that they are what is "seen" (and thus more readily relatable), there is also nothing inherently wrong with them. The only time that they go wrong is when they are given precedent over what is eternal, and yet we do this all the time. The whole of the truly modern age (right up to our current choking fog of the post-modern swamp) can be quite accurately defined as a time of treating temporal things as fundamental and necessary while treating eternal things as superficial and trivial. "Please," we cry, "don't bother troubling us about our souls or whatnot. Just wake us up when the latest cultural/political/ideological fad or fashion rides by so we can jump on its bandwagon." To paraphrase Lewis, we are far too easily amused and distracted.
Christians don't escape from this problem either. The whole of Modern Christendom can be quite succinctly described as one long, horrendous fashion show, with every single item being a mere retread of what the world had already paraded out with much better ability last year. As the blood-bought children of God, we are the unworthy (and therefore humbled) recipients of the deep, eternal truths of God, and yet we keep traipsing across the world's stage like a pathetic johnny-come-lately to every secular and worldly stage show under the sun. We are supposed to be leading all men unto Christ and into the fear of the Lord, and yet the best that we do today is to teach everyone how to be moral, amiable apathetics courtesy of our Christian knock-off versions of self-help guides and practical advice columns.
What's even worse is that we're not only mimicking the world concretely, but also abstractly, taking its philosophies and ideologies and merging them with Christianity in a most unholy union. As sudden as a winter evening, "faith" now equals "doubt," and all the rich teachings and history of the Christian Faith are summarily declared stupid. Faith itself becomes wholly subjective, having been violently cut from all objectivity, until it means absolutely nothing precisely because it means anything. On all counts, we look and sound and feel so much like the world and all of its vacuous and counterfeit pleasures and promises that we render the gospel and all of God's truth utterly impotent. The world assumes a priori that we have nothing to say that they haven't already heard before and better from the mouths of their own prophets and preachers.
I don't want to be well-adjusted. I don't want to know how to balance my checkbook or work the stock market. I don't want to be amiable or moral or decent. I don't want to "just get along." I don't want psychotherapy, anti-depressants, or self-help tips from people as fallen as myself. I don't want a "dialogue" or "conversation." I don't want to be represented. I don't want another agenda, fashion, or fad. I don't want to be where truth is not allowed to "colonize the space." I don't want to hear your subjective opinions or experiences. I don't want me subjectivity to be cut from that which is objectively real and true. I will tell you what I want. I will tell you what the world really wants, what it has always wanted, and what Christianity has always had to give to it. I want to know if there is a God, and if He can be known, if He can know me, and how. I want to know if repentance and forgiveness are real and capable of doing away with real sin and real guilt, that grace is truly greater than all my sin. I want truth to not only "colonize the space" but also colonize all of me, filling me up like blood and air and water and food. I want abundant life and life everlasting. I want to be consumed by the fire of the God who is there. I want to love God like a man loves a woman, to be enraptured and intoxicated by Him always, to want to protect Him from His enemies and myself. I want that which is solid and real, timeless and eternal, something that has sustained those before me and will sustain those after me. Give me God and all that He is or else I will perish, and that without remedy.
All these things and more are offered as unflinching and unapologetic objective truths and realities by the Christian Faith to all people regardless of their experiences or circumstances. Is that the message that the world hears, though? Is that what the Church even hears? I'm afraid not. The Faith begun by the Incarnate God of the universe has been made by its followers into an impotent side-show act. May the Lord have mercy on us all.

-Jon Vowell

A Resting Place

"From the end of the earth will I cry unto Thee, when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Ps. 61:2

Even the strongest amongst us still demands a security blanket. Even the most daring performer who walks across a tightrope with no net still demands that an ambulance be present and a well-staffed hospital be within driving distance. As human beings, we all want and need something solid and secure outside and other than ourselves on which our selves can safely dwell. We all desire a "rock that is higher" than us, a foundation other than our own meager souls. What a miserable creature is he who is the highest in his own private universe. When things fall apart (as they invariably do), where can such a one as he turn? Fallen, finite, fallible creatures cannot sustain themselves, cannot be their own resting place; not that we don't try, but that it will never work. Our limited and damaged subjectivity needs to be bound to a perfect objectivity or else it is lost like a ship on the sea without a star in the sky.
The more honest and clear-headed ones amongst us understand this fact, but nobody seems to find the right objectivity, the right"rock that is higher." The things that we find may be more solid and secure than ourselves, but they are always a product of this world, and thus like the world are limited and transient: they can only do so much, and they eventually fade away. Coupled to that is the fact that troubles know no bounds, nor evil any limitations. All of our best efforts will be swallowed up in some kind of darkness and despair, and it is in those moments that we can either look up or go down and out: look up and realize that whatever this "rock" is, it must be not only not of us but also not of this world; or down and out into perpetual cynicism and hellish night.

-Jon Vowell

"My faith has found a resting place,
Not in device or creed;
I trust the ever living One,
His wounds for me shall plead.

I need no other argument,
I need no other plea,
It is enough that Jesus died,
And that He died for me."
-Eliza E. Hewitt

Now and Forever

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee. [...] For Thou hast delivered my soul from death; wilt not Thou deliver my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?" Ps. 56:3, 13

It is called the life of faith for a reason. Salvation is a unique and extraordinary moment, but what about all the moments afterwards? You trust that Christ will stand with you at the judgment seat; do you trust that He is standing with you while you seat in your seat right now? You believe that God has delivered your soul from death; do you believe that He will deliver your feet from falling? You believed on the Lord Jesus Christ and have been saved (Acts 16:31); do you now believe that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it (Phil. 1:6)? If we are honest with ourselves, we would say that we very much believe the formers and very much doubt the latters on a day-to-day basis.
We are subjective beings. We experience circumstances and people in ways that (in some sense) are unique unto ourselves. However, that does not mean that our subjectivity is always right; more often than not, it is flat-out wrong. We often respond to situations in ways that are contradictory to what is real: we doubt when we should believe, we worry when we should trust, we hate when we should love, love when we should hate, grieve when we should be joyful, sing when we should mourn, etc. God has revealed to us what is real, and our subjective selves must be bound to His objective revelations, so that we may not be tossed about by our unreliable human emotions and wisdom.

-Jon Vowell